Perhaps it’s the time of year, but the past few weeks I’ve failed to find motivation for the maintenance of healthy habits. I know it’s not a big deal; one can’t ceaselessly ride the wave of “life’s awesome” in the way I’d been doing so for the past — well, let’s just say that I’ve been funkless for a long time.
This slight depression is passing, though. I know this. I know myself well enough to know warning signs that indicate I ought to really worry about myself. My wife knows well enough the warning signs that indicate she needs to intervene and make me aware of what’s going on. This is not that.
Nah, this is just a mild case of the blahs.
I speculate these blues are somewhat seasonal. Less light these days. I wake in the dark, and to walk the dog in the dark requires more work: jackets and long pants and hat and gloves rather than just heading out in shorts, sandals, and a t-shirt. I get into the office while it’s dark. And, it’s always dark — or very close to it — when I get home in the evening.
I’ve always welcomed the chill in the air. I enjoy winter and look forward to the cold and the snow. Yet each successive year I find I lean more to the mild and more temperate days. Age, right? These days let the mercury get down to 40 at night — at its lowest, please. Allow it to top out around 65 during the day. That would be just fine for me.
The problem with my mild funk is that I have to work extra hard to manage my diabetes. Everything that accompanies this funk is tied to my diabetes self-management. Isn’t it always the case with a systemic, chronic illness that one thing can’t not affect the whole?
I take some time off from the gym because I really don’t feel like going. That’s OK. But only briefly. I find myself craving unhealthy carryout as a comfort food as the weather changes: yeah, it’s not going to do me lasting damage in small doses. In small doses.
Really the main thing that’s concerned me about my slight shift into the blues is my blood glucose. It’s easy to allow the small bad habits picked up during moments like this to linger. I check my blood glucose and it’s higher than it should be: I shrug my shoulders and decide issuing a correction bolus is too much to think about because, hey, it’s nice to not have to worry about a low blood glucose. Why not run higher and ignore my care? Or, I realize I need to check my blood glucose and decide not to because, well, I’m in a shoulder-shrugging mode. I decide to have that extra piece of pizza. Again, I just shrug.
That could be bad, but it’s only slightly so. You see, because I’m aware of what it is I’m doing, and because I know myself, I know this is — as I’ve said — a passing funk. I can feel its departure’s imminent. Tonight I’ll return to the gym after a week away. Today on my walk into work (from the parking lot three blocks away), through a beautiful old neighborhood, I wasn’t negative, wasn’t moody. I found myself loving the fall beauty, the crisp leaves, the chill in the air.
Actually, I haven’t been negative or moody the past few weeks. Not really. I think lethargic is more the term that fits.
Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t you go worrying about me. And I hope you’re doing well if you’re in one of those places where winter’s coming on. Get some sun. Get a light box. Exercise. Eat right.