Do You Feel Deprived?

Chronic illness takes things away from you. But diabetes can take away more than most. Do you ever feel deprived by diabetes? How do you cope with those feelings?


With my MS (multiple sclerosis), I’ve experienced a fair amount of loss. It’s mostly mobility — I have to sit and watch other people do things I loved doing and would still like to do. First it was playing basketball, then dancing, then walking, and a bunch of other things, not all of them athletic. You may have experienced some of those losses, too.

One thing MS doesn’t really take away is eating. The establishment line is that you can eat whatever you want. Some alternative practitioners disagree, but there’s certainly no carb counting, no forbidden foods, no limits on quantities. I can go to a family gathering and eat whatever they put in front of me.

Diabetes is different. Many people with diabetes worry about food all the time. You watch everything you eat, both quality and quantity. Even though you can get used to it, that attention has to wear on you sometimes. Especially when the people you’re with are unaware or unhelpful, or when they’re too helpful and don’t let you make your own choices.

Because so many diets have been recommended for MS, I have been through times of not being able to eat what my friends and family were eating, not being able to order in restaurants or share food at a party. Since I’ve not noted any benefit to these diets, I haven’t stayed on them for more than a few months each, but diabetes is for a lifetime.

Do you ever feel deprived about food? Do you ever just want to pig out on something you shouldn’t have but which you know will be sensually and emotionally satisfying? How do you manage those feelings and control those behaviors? What makes you feel better about the whole thing?

Chronic illness can take away more than food; it can rob your sense of control. With MS, there are few medications to take, no blood testing to do, no worrying about going too low if you take too much insulin. I don’t take any MS medicines, and I don’t even have to waste a bunch of time seeing doctors, since they can’t do much for me anyway. I see my neurologist about once a year at most. Same with my general practitioner.

As a result, I can feel pretty much in control of my health much of the time. People with diabetes often spend a lot of time in doctors’ offices or waiting rooms. Your well-being may depend, or seem to depend, on your medicines and the quality of your medical team. You can stay awake nights worrying about how to pay for your care, or what happens if you lose your health insurance.

Feeling dependent on forces outside your control is a major loss and can be highly stressful. If relying on the medical system makes you feel insecure or out of control, how do you deal with that? Getting emotional or practical support from other people would help, but is that help available? Do you use it?

I wonder about what thoughts are helpful in dealing with feelings of deprivation, and what thoughts make them worse. Of course, even if we know what thoughts to avoid, it’s not so easy to avoid them, is it?

I’ve learned from reading the comments on over the years that people with a positive attitude seem to enjoy their lives more and cope better. Keeping positive thoughts when parts of your life keep getting taken away is difficult, though. One thing that helps me is realizing how much more I have than most people. It seems selfish to worry about not being able to eat cake when billions of people are struggling to find any food at all.

I can’t walk outside my apartment or drive, but I have a mobility scooter and great public transportation to take me places. Some people can’t afford to go anywhere, or are physically unable to get out of bed. So I’m lucky.

I also count my blessings. I have people who love me and look out for me. I have interesting friends and colleagues to talk to or e-mail, including many on this blog. I have work that is fascinating and rewarding. (One MS friend says “it’s not work. It’s a hobby you get paid for.”) I have my granddaughter Anaya to help take care of and enjoy watching grow.

So basically I feel happy with my life. But I’d be lying if I said there aren’t times I feel deprived. How about you? Any advice or stories would be appreciated.

Learn more about the health and medical experts who who provide you with the cutting-edge resources, tools, news, and more on Diabetes Self-Management.
About Our Experts >>

  • Kathleen

    I have a cold now. I work with preschool kids, so getting colds is part of my job. I have found that I need to rest more than other people because I have diabetes. I would rather go to the gym, or get my work done as it piles up when I am sick. I do not like this part of my condition.

    I agree with you about staying positive. It is a lifestyle I cultivate. After school today I hung out in bed watching comedy on Netflicks. How great was that I laughed and laughed and felt better.

    There are no support groups that I can find in my valley. So I don’t really have anyone to talk to about my journey. I do love reading the blogs and think what a connected time we live in.

    About food I read about what sugar and other foods do to us. It helps me think about them as posion. I do substitute alot and find my own treats. I got a blender that makes nice thick shakes out of strawberries, water, proteen powder.
    And that makes me happy.

  • Sara

    Gratitude is a huge part of dealing with this, for me. Sometimes I think about all the other chronic or terminal diseases I might have, and I’m glad it’s diabetes and not one of those. Even though sometimes (okay, often), you feel like you’re doing everything right but not getting the numbers you want, all things considered it’s a pretty manageable disease. The treatment doesn’t make my hair fall out. I can still be active. There’s still lots of great stuff I can eat. There is insulin and it works. And if I do need some extra rest or to decline an invitation or to tell people no and stick to my boundaries? It’s a reason no one can argue with. I call that (in my head) “playing the diabetes card” and it’s kind of awesome to have that in my hip pocket sometimes. The disease forces me to take the best care of myself I can and be attentive to MY needs and not feel guilty about it.

  • Beverly Benoit

    I like the idea of not “believing in your thoughts.” As a matter of fact, it is helpful to simply watch one’s thoughts simply pass through, in a Mindful way, to alleviate the tension that many thoughts can produce when we hook on to them as truth. At least, it is more powerful to discern which ones we choose to believe in, such as affirmations. This is where the mind can help diabetes. Discerning which thoughts may support rather that sabotage health and well being is a path to recovery.

  • Beth

    Before I developed diabetes, I had been wrestling with a horrible, intractable major depression for several years. I did not have much success in changing that. I already knew a lot about diabetes, and knew I was on the road to developing it. So when I was actually diagnosed, I did not feel at all deprived – I was RELIEVED! At last, I thought, I have a problem I can do something about! I know how to deal with this!

    Whenever I get even the smallest hint of feelings of deprivation, I remember that. It’s so much better to have a problem that you can do a lot to control, even if the control is not perfect.