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Here’s What I Was Going To Do

Eric Lagergren

December 18, 2008

Each week I write about some aspect of what it’s like living with Type 1 diabetes. Over the past year and a half, coming up with topics hasn’t been a problem. Minor mishaps with the insulin pump happen almost once a week. Some sort of blood glucose high or low is standard every few weeks. There are moments of frustration during which I curse the condition and/or the accoutrement that are necessary to keep me as uncomplicated as possible down the road…

This week, though? Nothing. No incidents to write about. Nothing in the news that’s piqued my interest that I’d like to relate to my life and diabetes. No holiday-party stories à la diabetes to tell, nor do I have any expository material on what I’ll be doing to prepare for a week on the road between Christmas and New Year’s.

So why should you keep reading? Really, you probably shouldn’t. So stop. The rest of this is just me filling space. Word count. Boring. And more boring. What you’re experiencing now is a diabetes blogger’s holiday ennui. A post that is no post.

You should be thankful that you’ll not see me here over the next two weeks. No blog on Christmas day or New Year’s day from this fellow. (Raise your low-carb eggnog and toast good wishes to me that I’ll regain some blogging substance in a fortnight.)

I thought about writing another ode to diabetes, like I did last year. But I lost the ambition. I also thought that maybe I could be all cute and take some holiday song or Christmas jingle or poem or story and repurpose it so that people with diabetes would get all of the inside jokes and references to diabetes-related supplies.

Bah humbug to that.

Oh, I compiled a short list of diabetes vocabulary words, but then after abandoning artsy intentions, I began assembling them in some way that I tried to make sound cool when read aloud. That failed, too. I got as far as the little ditty below. (There’s really no tune, per se; but if you read it somewhat sing-songy, you can pick up a cheesy rhythm. Maybe. It sounds in my brain like a bastardized Yankee Doodle):

pancreas injection site and insulin dependent;
nutritionist, carb glucagon, glycated hemoglobin…
low blood sugar, calorie,
dietitian, kid-uh-ney,
lancet strip, nephropathy,
and ketoacidosis!

On another, uhh, note, I tried for humor. Completely irrelevant non sequitur sentences generated by any of the sentence or paragraph generators you can find on the Internet. Plug in a few diabetes terms, hit “generate,” and voila! Some pretty amusing sentences came back.

• The store burden heels my insulin pump against his violence.
• Low blood sugar forests wacky without the disastrous employer.
• Type 1 diabetes muddles the simultaneous genius within the conjecture.
• Type 1 diabetes recognizes the contributing crisis above each bulb.
• How can my lancet device sleep beside a horse?
• Should complications lodge the glossy automobile?
• Low blood sugar peers below a proud crown.
• My diabetes breaks ketoacidosis throughout an antidote.
• Insulin cake opposes Type 1 diabetes.
• My diabetes or my condition fumes past the banner.

And, on those completely comprehensible sentences, allow me to bid all of you Happy Holidays and wish you well as you self-manage yourself into 2009 and beyond. Thanks for reading. Continue reading (yes?). I’ll see you next year.

- Eric

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