![]() | www.DiabetesSelfManagement.com |
|
To print: Select File and then Print from your browser's menu | |
|
URL: http://www.diabetesselfmanagement.com/blog/David_Spero/ADA_Advice_on_Sex/Print
|
|
ADA Advice on SexDavid Spero Jul 09, 2008 @ 10:11 AM As my article “When Diabetes Affects Your Sex Life” in the May/June 2008 issue of Diabetes Self-Management would suggest, sex and intimacy are two of my favorite topics, so I made sure to attend the panel on sexuality at June’s ADA Scientific sessions. It wasn’t great, but I learned some things. Dr. Irwin Goldstein of the University of California, San Diego, and Editor-in-Chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine gave the hard science look. Dr. Goldstein listed some ways that diabetes can interfere with sex. At the top of the list were circulation problems, which can affect lubrication and erections, and nerve damage, which may interfere with sensation or cause pain. Many people have both circulation and nerve problems. People with diabetes, especially Type 2, tend to have lower-than-normal levels of sex hormones, especially testosterone. In both men and women, low levels of testosterone often cause low levels of desire. Goldstein said that birth control pills can also lower testosterone levels in women. Taking supplemental testosterone or DHEA (a testosterone precursor) can help some men and women regain desire. Psychological Factors Helping Partners Cope Partners as well as patients may feel unattractive. They may also find their partners unattractive. Patients and partners may blame each other for health-related problems. When one member of a couple can't get an erection or has vaginal dryness or pain with intercourse, partners may blame themselves. Dr. Fisher said that studies show that partners of people with diabetes get almost as much depression as the people with diabetes themselves do. Both partners may grieve the loss of sexual spontaneity that diabetes may bring—for example, the need to check blood glucose or deal with an insulin pump. Dr. Fisher pointed out that all these issues can be dealt with by talking openly about them. This may sometimes involve a professional counselor. But some cultures do not approve of talking openly about sex, which makes it harder. He recommends educating both partners and seeing couples together at appointments. Discussion But I had to ask. The major sexual problems in diabetes seem to relate mostly to intercourse—either poor erections or lubrication or painful intercourse. So why aren't we teaching about nonintercourse sex (my and my wife's specialty)? Things lovers can do to each other with their hands, mouths, and other parts can create some of the best, closest sexual experiences of their lives, and these acts are safe and don't require drugs. They may call for lubricants, but those are cheap and safe. Everyone on the panel said that alternative ways of having sex were a good idea, and Dr. Tepper even suggested noncontact sex as a possibility. I'll have to find out more about that. Do you think partners' needs are addressed by the medical system or by the providers you have seen? Has diabetes brought you and your partner closer together or pushed you apart? When it comes to sex, have you been able to maintain your sex life with diabetes? Have you tried any new approaches to sexuality? Would you consider trying some new things? Let us know with a comment below. Disclaimer of Medical Advice:You understand that the blogs posts and comments to such blog posts (whether posted by us, our agents, bloggers, or by users) do not constitute medical advice or recommendation of any kind and you should not rely on any information contained on such posts or comments to replace consultations with your qualified health care professionals to meet your individual needs. The opinions and other information contained in the blog posts and comments do not reflect the opinions or positions of the Site Proprietor. | |
Comments:
My husband was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes about 10 years ago. We have not had sex or any kind of intercourse for at leat 8 of those years. He told me that he has lost all desire and dosen't want it or need it. Before we had a very active sex life, we enjoyed expermenting and just having fun. I know that alot of our health problems are from lack of intimacy..what can I do? I don't feel that it is fair to me to be left high and dry..and I want to do something to help him.
Posted by: KAT123 | Jul 10, 2008 07:41 PM
Hi Kat,
Yours is a sad (and very common) story. Your husband seems to really be hurting, but he is not being fair to you at all, and you should not have to put up with it.
I wonder how good his diabetes control is—perhaps high sugars are dragging him down. How physically active is he otherwise? Maybe he needs to get his body moving.
Most likely he is depressed. Is he being treated for that, and if so, how?
Quite possibly, he is reacting to erection problems by withdrawing, without admitting that's the reason. A lot of men do.
You have to let him know (in a nonthreatening, "I-message" kind of way) that he may not "want or need" intimacy, but you do. If he used to be open to new things, he should be willing to try new sexual things now, IF he wants to.
In some couples with chronic illness, one partner may find other ways to get his or her sexual needs met, if the other can't or won't. I'm not suggesting this, but it does work for a lot of people.
Good luck and keep in touch,
David
Posted by: David Spero RN | Jul 11, 2008 12:10 PM
My husband was diagnosed some time ago with diabetes and was being treated with oral medications, but has recently been given insulin to control this. Prior to the insulin we were having sexual problems, now that he is on the insulin sex is just obsolete. He has the desire but the erections are just not there. He has been prescribed Viagra, but that simply does not work and he does not like the side effects. He asked his doctor about it and he told him to wait a month to be on the insulin before trying to fix this problem. That is okay but he really feel awful about this. How can we get the help we need and what kink of help is out there? He feels kind of bashfull about talking to someone strange about the problem, but if he spoke with someone who may have had the same type of problem it may be a little easier. I really do not know what to do at this point.
Posted by: bslima2002 | Jul 13, 2008 10:39 AM
7/16/08
I read the above blogs (Kat123 & bslima); they are exactly what has happened to me..I encourage an article on NON INTERCOURSE SEX...USING HAND, MOUTH AND OTHER PARTS...for the partner who wishes sexual fulfillment.....
My partner needs a roadmap for me to show him to fulfill my needs....
Posted by: hypnodeb | Jul 16, 2008 03:42 PM
Great article.
Posted by: j.s. | Jul 16, 2008 04:26 PM
I was glad to read this on sexual problems with diabetes. I myself am a type 2, and have been for the past 3 years. I was just diagnosed with a very low level of testosterone. It was so low I barely had in at all in my system. My doctor put me on a testosterone cream which for women has to be made in a special lab. And as of right now hasn't been approved by the FDA to help with desire in women. But it has been approved for the use in men. I was told it could take up to at least 6 to 8 months before the desire could or would return. It has been very frustrating for my husband to understand this since I have no desire and feels hurt. Only after several years of complaining to my doctor and when my husband was then put on Viagra did he decide to check on my levels. It really was a blessing that if it wasn't for my husbands male problem, this would of never of been found out for me. Maybe more doctors need to listen to their patients. Thanks.
Posted by: Eve | Jul 16, 2008 05:55 PM
Depression, guilt, anger, and poor self esteem are emotions that are common to many people with diabetes. They are also emotions that can destroy sexual function in otherwise completely healthy people. Sometimes it is difficult to sort out the physical problems from the psychological. I am a middle aged man with type 2 diabetes. I have been diabetic for many years. I suffer from mild depression. I have been and remain angry about being diabetic.
So what to do??
I believe that the best thing we can do is accept the diabetes as a fact in our lives... just like the fact that we need to breathe to live... and just move on. Focus on what we can do to make our lives better and make our relationships more fullfilling; both for you and your partner. Because we ARE diabetic, it may be more challenging...but be patient and be loving. Also be mentally flexible and adaptive.
The next thing is to get good health care. Don't be afraid to talk about sex with a doctor or counsellor. You're not going to tell them anything they haven't already heard. Several years ago I had my first colonoscopy. After that I decided that I didn't need to be embarrassed about any health issue ever again!!
I take some testosterone and it helps. I had to try several depression medications before I found one that helped my depression without making me impotent. There is a bottle of Viagra on my bedstand. Sometimes my wife and I can have intercourse without it. When we use it, it usually works just fine. Occasionally, we use it and it doesn't work. That's a litte disappointing, but we've kind of moved past letting intercourse alone be the focal point of our intimate experience. It took a while for me to get where I could feel that way. It came about during a time when I was trying out an anti-depression drug and Viagra wasn't helping at all. I was pretty upset, angry and frustrated. My wife and I avoided sexual contact. Finally, I realized that though things might not ever get any better for me, I still wanted intimate contact with my wife. This led to a few conversations, some creative exploring...nice massages and what-not... Fortunately, I got a better depression med and the sex function improved quite a bit. Still there was a valuable lesson learned..and I think my wife and I are closer because of it.
This has rambled. I hope someone can benefit from my experience.
Posted by: mjw | Jul 16, 2008 10:19 PM
I have type 1 diabetes and a positive attitude towards my pump (pumping 9+ years). When I have sex with my husband I usually don't disconnect from the pump, I just use a long infusion set that allows the pump to be moved out of the way.
Once in a while, during the action the pump gets in the way, we laugh and called it: a ménage à trois (a threesome).
:)
Posted by: Ivannia | Jul 16, 2008 10:59 PM
Hi, I'm in my 50's. Very healthy and young for my age. I've been on the pump over 10 yrs. My husband passed a while ago and some friends talked me into one of the on line dating sites. The problem I'm having is I want to be honest with the person I'm mailing to, but all I have to do is mention the pump and no more mail!! Have any of your readers ever had this problem before? Is there a special site for singles with diabetes? Its very sad that people are so uneducated about diabetes. The average person dos'nt believe you when you tell them you're not going to pass out from dancing or any other activity. If anyone has any suggestions, please write back. Stress is NOT good for diabetics!!
Thanks
Posted by: tigger551 | Jul 17, 2008 07:09 PM
Hi Tigger,
As far as when to tell people about your diabetes and your pump - I would wait until they get to know you and appreciate how wonderful you are. And maybe also until you've had a chance to dance or hike or something so they can see you're not fragile. So not by e-mail.
But then tell them. Obviously you don't want to wait until you're on your way to bed with them. 2nd or 3rd date is usually the time, but it varies. So this implies no jumping into bed on the first date, probably a good thing.
I'm not sure about sites for singles with diabetes, but there are a LOT of social networking sites for people with diabetes. One is tudiabetes.com. Perhaps our readers could suggest others.
David
Posted by: David Spero RN | Jul 18, 2008 01:37 PM
My husband is diabetic and takes lots of prescription medicine. He is also quite a bit overweight and seems to want to eat indiscriminately more than we wants to do anything about his weight or exercise. He has had ED for at least three years. We have no physical contact at all. We are both 59 years old. If he waits until morning to shower, I can smell a strong urine odor at night, probably from his underwear. Also, the few times we tried to be intimate, his secretions had a very strong urine odor which were totally repulsive to me. We are drawing farther and father apart. Any suggestions? (He is very offended if I mention odors or showering, so I usually just keep quiet.)
Posted by: ann | Sep 11, 2008 11:29 AM