Feb 08, 2007

Diabetes: An Ass-Kicking Woman?

Andy Stuckey

How about that title? That's my Fox News question mark headline of the month. Moving on.

Like a lot of people, I watched the Super Bowl last weekend and had very little connection to either of the teams. I was pulling for the Colts, but my attitude for the upcoming work week did not depend upon a victory. I couldn’t care less. I watch the game for the event of it. The food, the friends, and of course, the ads.

I actually watched the game in my apartment alone this year, as I've been a bit under the weather. (As a side note, I've noticed that the over-the-counter cold drug Mucinex lowers my blood sugar. Anybody else ever taken it? More on that next week.)

Back to the ads. I'm not sure if this ad was very memorable, but there was an ad that caught my eye as a person with Type 1 diabetes. It was about heart disease or heart problems, and the ad personified certain factors that can increase the risk of heart disease, attacks, etc. Naturally, diabetes was one they brought to life. If you saw this ad, you can now put a face on diabetes—but be careful, as she is one bad bitch. There is a scene in the commercial where Diabetes—a "Tomb Raider/Aeon Flux"-style, ass-kicking lady—wheels off two or three roundhouse kicks on the poor guy dressed as the heart.

Now, while the ad did get my attention and immediately made me think about my health, it has distorted my anger with diabetes. How can I focus my energy on defeating this superpower? Diabetes dresses in skintight black leather like Ursula from Superman II, freshly released from the Phantom Zone and ready to attack my heart. Well, I've been in love with Ursula since I was a kid and saw her throw a manhole cover like a Frisbee and send Superman crashing into a bus.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that my personification of diabetes was never a beautiful woman who could kick my ass in a matter of minutes, not to mention that her ability to kick my ass only makes me more attracted to her. Now is an unfortunate time to realize my weakness for ass-kicking women. I always saw diabetes as a different geek reference.

Diabetes to me is more akin to Jabba the Hut from Return of the Jedi. If you've seen that movie recently, you know that there is certainly an argument that Jabba is at high risk for diabetes. He's extremely overweight, never exercises, and has a horrible diet. Yet, like diabetes itself, he's always there sitting on his fat-ass tail, or whatever that thing is, waiting for the right moment to catch you. Never in a hurry and never lacking in confidence, Jabba and diabetes are not very fast-acting "animals." They will send bounty hunters and minions to pursue you (i.e. Boba Fett, Low Blood Glucose, etc.), but meanwhile they just sit in the background, waiting for the final prize.

I guess the comedy-loving side of me would like to see a PSA featuring Jabba the Hut giving advice about patient care and diabetes. Or maybe the Super Bowl ads need what every ad campaign needs: more Wilford Brimley!

In other news, last night's show was great, and some of the good people at Diabetes Self-Management made it out. I hope you enjoyed the show and weren't too offended. I apologize for not playing "Santa Claus Gave Me Diabetes," but our set was cut a little short due to time.

Until next week.

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