“It’s usually best to let a person get to know you and see how wonderful you are before bringing up health issues,” says Dr. Burks. “Usually the second or third date or meeting is all right, but it varies among individuals.”
Of course, to get to a second or third date, you need a first date, and for that, it helps to put yourself where people can find you. Many people find attending church, participating in organized social activities, volunteering, or exercising with others to be better ways to meet potential partners than going to nightclubs or bars. But clubs and bars can work, too.
If you don’t believe people will find you attractive, try looking in the mirror and telling yourself, “I’m attractive; I’m deserving,” or something like that. Not everyone will find you attractive, but you don’t need everyone; you just need one other person who does. Steven Phillipson says that once a mutual interest between two people has developed, hiding your diabetes and any related sexual issues is a mistake. “If you are considering becoming physically intimate with someone,” he says, “it would seem that you have developed enough intimacy and trust to share information about [sexual] impairments related to diabetes.”
If you don’t have a partner, you can also have sex by yourself. In fact, taking some solo pleasure time can help you explore your body and make you a sexier partner for when you do find someone compatible.
Happy endings
Barbara and Mike worked things out. They talked honestly about their situation and their feelings. They started having cuddling and caressing time that didn’t include intercourse. They learned how Mike could bring Barbara to orgasm with his hands, and they both felt good about that. Mike felt better and more supported, and he started exercising again. He got his blood glucose levels back in target range, and with the help of Viagra (which hadn’t worked before), his erections came back. Now Mike and Barbara have a more varied sex life and are more in love than ever.
Their outcome is realistic for anyone, with or without diabetes. All it takes is a little courage, creativity, and communication.
