The occasion of making the switch from 2011 to 2012 doesn’t really create in me a desire to resolve to do anything differently. Yes, there are a couple of diabetes-related self-management issues I’d like to improve upon. I’d like to shoot for lower target blood glucose readings, which means that I’ll also need to check my blood glucose more frequently. I’d also like to cut back on some of the dietary choices I make that — diabetes or not — carry little weight in the nutritional value column.
Yet there will be no proclamation on December 31, either out loud or as a mental note or actual note tacked to the fridge, that I intend to make these things happen in the new year. I’m not anti–new year’s resolution. It’s just that I’ve been working on both of these issues for the past several months. Aside from the interruption over this holiday vacation — during which I’ve done and will probably continue to do little more than enjoy the company of family, friends, good books, and video games, as well as put away too much of the foods I don’t need to be eating (moderation seems to go into hiding at the most inappropriate times between December 23 and January 2)…aside from this interruption, a vacation from both work, gym, and other routines, I’m making that slow crawl that’s often necessary to effect change for the better in aspects of my diabetes care. Resolutions unnecessary.
Last night I asked Kathryn a question that went something like this: “Do you find yourself more wistful for certain parts of your past — moments, feelings, those kinds of things that our brains often romanticize in the looking-back at — during this time of year, with the new year a couple of days away, or does it happen more for you on your birthday?”
Both of us are where we want to be. Together. Geographically. Career-wise. Health (diabetes notwithstanding). We’re present, and not — to quote Bruce — trying to get to that place where we really want to go and we’ll walk in the sun. Nor do we want to be back there again, wherever there is, or wish that time — whatever that time may be — would have never ended.
This is what we talked about.
For me, there was only one certain part of my past I want back. A smidge of what comes with being young (because I don’t want to be back in my 20s at all). I simply want back the ability I had in my 20s to grab a drink with lots of caffeine and then stay up in the quiet of the early morning hours, until 4 or 5, maybe 6, reading a good book or playing a video game and then still function the next day. That time, however, is gone. At 10 I’ll settle in for what I think is going to be hours with a great novel, and by 11 I’m brushing my teeth and then heading off to bed.
This is good for my self-management, though. Sleep is necessary.
Happy New Year to everyone!